Because he said so...

Other than your significant other, who do you call when you are afraid? Panic stricken, anxiety riddled? You know you have friends but who's name comes to your lips first? Who's words draw you back off the ledge?

For me the answer was both obvious and a surprise. I have a lot of close friends who would always be there should I need to be talked down out of the tower, some who would climb it and help me pick of the offenders with high powered rifles. I know that without a doubt, but one stands out when times get tough, why? Because he simply refuses to accept the bad things. He simply says "No, I don't think so." When I was waiting impatiently, money running out, groceries down to a head of lettuce and a hand full of trail mix for me and the kids, waiting to hear if I had this job, he told me. "Of course you do, I've decided. You do, and thats it." And you know what? I did! He has repeatedly proven this theory in a variety of situations.

I am having surgery on Friday, something I need and want to change the quality of my life but naturally the idea of going "under the knife" makes me shake in my boots. I wrote him and asked him to "make it so" so to speak and expected his usual one line response where he affirms without discussion that it is going to happen his way, no questions, because he said so. Instead I got a very long email from him, leaving me no room for doubt, no room for error, saying everything...everything I needed to hear to know I would come though this without hesitation or question. The last line in the email struck home really hard for me. "This is not a "things should be okay" manifesto. I had already decided it would be uneventful, I just forgot to let you know."

Made me laugh and cry and something restless inside me settled into place. Like a piece of the puzzle that just didn't want to fit snugged down into place with a soft safe sound of finality. Its not that my husband, whom I love with a ferocity that he will attest to, could not convince me, its that I could feel his worry for me. His own fears show beneath the surface because he loves me and fears anything that could take me from him without explanation.My friend has no fear, no hesitation, no room for the possibility of loss. He simply does not accept it in his reality, therefore it cannot possibly oppose his will.

For that I love him deeply, not that he would ever doubt it, because a long time ago....he said so.