How strange it is to realize as you read the news, that the 17 year old girl on trial for killing a local gang member is the 13 year old girl you sat across the breakfast table from only a few years ago.
No, she is not my daughter, she was the young girl a friend took in for a time because her family life was so messed up. Now she is on trial for murder and I cannot help but wonder and worry about those people who cared so much they tried to make her part of their family.
We are no longer in touch, no longer close but I know that he is hurting over this, that he is blaming himself for heeding my advice and not taking her on as his legal responsibility. Or maybe he is glad he listened... He was going to adopt her so that he could be a father figure for her and I advised him against it. Why? He had seven kids of his own to worry about...his heart was far bigger than his bank account, and the girl was trouble on two feet from the moment he introduced us. Do I think she is a lost cause? No...she has a good heart but her morals are askew, her judgement and her logic were always tied in knots. I blame her mother if anyone. The child grew up sleeping in a booth seat in a bar while her mother sang and drank. Did drugs, prescription and otherwise....she had little chance of avoiding the outcome. The chances she was offered went unheeded and unappreciated.
Still I sit here and watch her go through the trial and I feel guilty, responsible somehow that I couldn't reach her in time, like I didn't try hard enough to help her when he was my main focus. Her choices were her own and I know that logically but I cannot help but wonder if I should have or could have done more.
I don't know. I doubt she will go to prison, shes charismatic and probably really is full of remorse for the situation if not the death of the boy she killed. I have not talked to her...I do not know. I can only hope that this will be the change in her life to make a difference. We all come to our crossroads where we choose which direction to follow in the Labyrinth.
I can only hope she chooses wisely from now on.
Me...I push the false guilt away and hope that he is alright. I know him far better than I know her, and he is eating himself up over it, whether he tells anyone or not.
1 comment:
Well written article.
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